Real story of a missing girl: pressure on children.

Nov 2023. In a very well populated City, from a reputed school, a 6th standard girl went missing, post school time. Earlier it was thought as a kidnapping. However it was not the case but a different story altogether. It was an acute case of an extreme action taken by a tender age kid to run away from Parent’s over expectation & study pressure on children. It turned out as a shocking case of kids’ behavior owing to lack of affection or emotional disconnect with Parents. Let us learn from this Real story of a missing girl.

When asked why she did so, prima facie, she was not happy at home. Her parents were always occupied. They were after her to do study. She wanted to move away. It is said that She was missing the basic needs of life like love, affection, family engagements & like. This incident literally shocked everyone. Because, no one ever thought of 6th standard girl – around 11 years old – can act like this. Also, it must be realized how important is family time, family get-togethers as well as strong connections with your kids. While we will analyze every aspect of this real incident, let us try to ensure such incidents are not repeated, anywhere.

Real story of a missing girl. Understanding the Underlying Issue:-

Meanwhile, parents were worried as she did not come to school & had approached Police. Police traced her based on CCTV footage & other investigation. She was carrying big amount of money with her. Post school hours, girl herself skipped her pick up, saying she has to go to uncle’s place & skipped the bus. Also, she had a personal phone with her. Based on that she booked online cab. From there she went to a Metro city. Certainly it is also indicates the dark side of full access to smart phones at such a young age.

The girl’s decision to leave home is a trigger coming from a complex interplay of many parenting factors. Firstly, it was The lack of emotional connection with her parents. Then, constant pressure to excel in studies from parents along with comparison with other kids in society & school. Combined together, it created a sense of isolation and loneliness for the young child. This emotional void, coupled with the freedom of having a mobile phone and access to money, provided her with the means to escape her perceived unhappy situation. It is a lesson to learn as giving away money, costly gifts can never fulfill bond of human emotions.

Real story of a missing girl. The Role of Parents in Nurturing Children:-

The shift away from joint family structures has transformed parenting into a skill, a fact we must acknowledge. The days of grandparents taking care of their grandchildren are long gone, just like the days when grandparents and family members shared meals with children. Hence, in today’s isolated family structures, children struggle to find opportunities to laugh, play, and talk together. Also, busy parents find it challenging to dedicate quality time to their children. The notion that showering children with money or fulfilling their wish lists is the only way to parent is gaining traction. We are neglecting the fundamental truth that we are raising humans, not machines.

In this case, when police asked to the young child, why she left home, her answer is an eye-opener. She mentioned as she was getting fed up owing to number of classes to attend, post school hours. She made it clear that it was too much for her to “fulfill” study expectations of Parents. Furthermore, “free time” discussion with her was always related to studies. So, it is obvious that she was looking for an opportunity to release her from this tension. It is not important what she did but we must deeply analyze why she did so? As a parent community, we all must see that such incidents are not repeated. It is time for some introspection, for sure.

Real story of a missing girl. Effective Parenting Strategies:-

If we analyze facts about this incident, we probably would realize more deeper aspect of parenting. Parenting is not as one time achievement or one time goal. This is also not something like putting efforts on diet & once we loose the weight, we are done. It is also not like once we have ranked 1st as best employee of the year & we are done. Parenting is not time bound. Also, it is not one time result or a Goal. In very simple words, parenting is life long emotional connect or bond or a happy relationship with your kids. Also, it must be noted that parenting is always evolving. With kids growing up, parenting pattern needs to be flexible.

1. Help Kids to learn. Do not pressure to Study.

Constant pressure to study can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even depression in children. This can manifest in various ways, such as sleep disturbances, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and social withdrawal. Mainly, owing to such study pressure, kids may loose the ability to “learn”. We must keep in mind studying & learning are not same. Academics & Life are absolute different platforms. History is full of evidences confirming those who were weak at study have exceled in Life, like no one else. Constant pressure can turn learning into a chore, reducing children’s intrinsic motivation and enjoyment of the process. Additionally, this can lead to disengagement from studies and a decline in academic performance.

Secondly, Overemphasis on academics deprives children of opportunities to explore other areas of interest and develop their talents and skills in extracurricular activities, sports, creative pursuits, and social interactions. This can hinder their overall growth and development. Also, Constantly measuring a child’s worth by their academic achievements can damage their self-esteem and self-worth. Furthermore, children may develop a fear of failure and a belief that their value is solely determined by their grades. The stress and anxiety associated with excessive academic pressure can increase the risk of developing mental health issues like depression, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders. So, let them enjoy learning. Study is byproduct of learning.

2. Foster a healthy and balanced approach to academics. Do not pressurize.

Cultivate a love for learning in your kids mind. Make learning an enjoyable and engaging experience. Always, encourage curiosity, exploration, and discovery in various subjects and activities. Do not ask them to follow what you love or like. Always, Support children’s participation in extracurricular activities, sports, creative pursuits, and social interactions. These activities foster overall development and provide opportunities for relaxation and fun. Accept the shortfall & find the appropriate ways to deal with it. Parenting should never restrict kids to academics.

We must maintain open and honest communication with children about their studies, concerns, and interests. Provide guidance and support without imposing excessive pressure. In case, you find that your kid is not at all good in a particular subject, it does not mean he is poor in studies. Make him comfortable & acknowledge that you together has to put efforts. It is not only about your kid trying to resolve his academics challenges. Many times, to improve scoring in one subject, we loose entire charm of learning. Do not allow this to happen ever. It is possible that subject is not the issue for your kid but the way it is being taught, might have some lacunae. Explore.

3. Do not do comparison. It is a crime. (Real story of a missing girl)

As a parent, we must recognize and celebrate our child’s unique strengths, talents, and learning styles. Also, we must avoid comparing our children to others, but focus on his/her individual progress. Studies have shown that constantly measuring a child’s worth by their academic achievements & comparison can damage their self-esteem and self-worth. Because, kids may develop a fear of failure and a belief that their value is solely determined by their grades & comparison. Better, you show them ways of improvement. Help them know what is required to perform better. Help them maintain discipline. Be aware, kids always follow you / your behavior / your discipline, consciously as well as sub-consciously.

4. Open communication with Kids. (Real story of a missing girl)

Unless you have a emotional & soft bond with your kids, how would they communicate with you? So, do always encourage & stick to open and honest conversations with your child. Create a safe and comfortable space where they can express their feelings, thoughts, and concerns without fear of judgment. Do not ever make them feel as their talks are being ignored. Also, do not ever underestimate their observation capability. Should they need your time, keep everything else aside. Because 10 minutes of full attention with kids & you are the best parents in the world. Note this.

Pl do practice active listening, giving your child your undivided attention and validating their emotions. Always show empathy and understanding, even if you don’t always agree with their perspective. What is needed is the comfort level to reach to you, talk to you.

5. Quality Time. (Real story of a missing girl)

Quality time is the most impactful factor of Parenting. That is why, always, dedicate quality time to your child each day, engaging in activities he/she enjoy. This could be anything from playing games to simply talking and bonding. Focus on positive reinforcement, acknowledging and praising your child’s accomplishments and good behavior. This builds their self-esteem and encourages positive development. Also, it establishes a bond of confidence as well as affection between kids & parents. So, ensure that you are present with your kids not only physically but mentally too.

6. Limit Screen Time. (Real story of a missing girl)

The best of limit screen time of kids is to limit screen time of parents first. Kids imitate parents. You have no right to teach a discipline to your kids about screen time, if you yourself is watching it since mid night. Another thing is try to restrict sites of surfing kids do. Try to apply Child-lock sort of parameters. Do occasionally cross check the logs as what kids are watching on screen. It is not about distrust, but at tender age they do not know what to watch & what to ignore.

6. Avoid high value gifts & uncontrolled pocket money.

Look at the story we started the blog with. Child had a smart phone with her. Is it really needed to have a smart phone for 6th grade kid? How can parents allow her to take away smart phone to school? This child also had a good amount of cash with her. So, does it mean she has stolen it from home? How does she know that such a cash is available at home? Also, how come no one even noticed that she has picked up big money & has keep it in school bag? We do not want to go for answers for all these questions. We just need to be focused so that such instances are not repeated.

Giving high value gifts to your kids does not necessarily mean your love quotient is high for them. Probably, unintentionally, you are pushing them to have an access for unwanted aspects of life. I have already mentioned, kids are always watching & then following parents, consciously as well as sub-consciously. Spending money now & then, in front of kids / involving kids is not recommended. Giving / keeping access to kids to your wallets / lockers, specially when parents are not around, is not a good sign of parenting. Let kids make appropriate use of money, but it should be monitored & controlled by parents.

Real story of a missing girl. Conclusion:-

The girl child we have referred in this blog, has been traced by Police in less than 8 hours. The child is now back to home & with her parents. However, this incident has provoked me to bring some of the points which as a Parent, we can definitely have a another look at. In case, we are falling short of anything, we can improvise ourself. Being a father or mother, was our own choice. Hence, it is our responsibility to be a good parent. Ultimately, we are not raising a child, we are raising a good citizen too. We are raising next pillar of our country & this world. Wishing you a very happy parenting journey, for lifetime.

Real story of a missing girl. Comments:-

I would love to have your comments on this blog as well as incident. In case you have any particular idea of parenting, pl do share in below section. Who knows it may click for someone happily. Should you have any query, do not hesitate to put in or write to me @ pune2palitana@gmail.com. We will try to get along with it. Because, it’s all about learning based on what we come across in our daily life.
Image Credit – Canva / Pixabay.

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