The relationship between father and son is very complex and there is nothing to worry about it. It is natural. Father’s role is beyond parenting. Both may have different opinions as they grow older, in fact they do. Both develop different objectives as well as views. Their approach to each incident may be different. What seems simple to children may seem dangerous to father because of his age & real life experience as well as incidents. A child’s struggle to do something different, where there is no experience, and the child’s preservation of everything from experience, can often create an ideological gap between the two.
For that, it is necessary to have open communication between the two. It is often necessary to compromise on some issues and support each other’s goals. Therefore, to keep your relationship with child intact, father can definitely consider the following points. It is not about managing Ego or esteem as such. Father’s life experience can be a back bone of son’s future. A father’s role is always very important for the overall development of a child and the development of his profound personality. This role becomes more responsible for a single father.
What do children expect from fathers?
Both son and father want their relationship to be richer and stronger. However, many times, with growing age, they often do not know exactly how to communicate. And for that it is necessary to have a very friendly relationship between the two. To make this happen a father can play different games with him, go trekking, go to cinema. Both can go for a walk or even drink tea together. Spending quality time with the child is complementary to give a friendly shape to the relationship between the two. What Father must keep in mind is expectation of every child. When we say “expectation” it is not explicitly about monetary terms alone.
With growing age, father does “expect” few things from child. It is natural. And these expectations mainly relate to child’s improved discipline in daily life. Because, father always wants to see his child excelling in the life. Unfortunately, these disciplinary parameters, many times, confuse children to understand behavioral pattern of father. With regards to tender age, they may feel “discipline” as a burden. This may trigger a conflict between both of them. While Father is not wrong trying to show right path to his children, he may forget to realize soft mind of kids at younger age. Below few points can support for a smooth long term relationship.
1) Love and affection –
Every child wants to get love and affection from father. A father can show his affection for his child by giving him praise & hugs, time to time. Apart from that, father can encourage the child by spending quality time with him / her. Small things like listening to school things before going to bed etc. are some of the examples. Most important things is, whenever kid is talking to you, do not ever ignore it. Always keep your phone aside. Listen to your child carefully. This will establish a great bond of love & affection between father & children. They feel more comfortable & love to reach out to father once they realize that father is giving attention to them.
2) A Positive Role Model –
A father is always a positive role model for children. Fathers need to demonstrate good values, ethics and honesty, integrity through their behavior, speech and actions. Children are taught by how respectfully father speaks to other members of the family and especially to his wife. Kids are attracted & attached to soft behavior, specially at tender age. As a father, it is required to ensure that tense matters of family / business are not dealt in front of kids. So, for child, his father’s role is a role of a perfect model, by default. 🙂
3) Emotional support –
Children always expect emotional support from father. When children are facing problems and anxieties at a young age, they need the assurance of guidance and support from father (parents). If father shows the certainty that he is with the child, through actions and words, it definitely helps to strengthen the relationship between the two. Then the son shares many things with his father. Then the son shares many things with his father. Instead of fearing him, he respects and trusts his father. So he starts talking freely with his father about many things in his life. It is the duty of the father to guide the child and support him at various stages of his youth.
Click on below link in blue to read about a real life story.
4) Quality Time –
When father and son are together, there should be harmony between them. Father must avoid repeatedly cursing child about past failures. Hence, it is advised not to limit child’s capability by recalling unhappy incidents / failed attempts. Discussions should always be based about future plans / happy memories. Past is to be used only as a learning step & not a conclusion. Optimistic inputs, support language, motivational words, creating a sense of support are some of the tips, father can ponder on child while spending time together.
5) Discipline –
Father’s role demands something more too. Father always seek & need to instill discipline in his children. For that, it is necessary to teach discipline through own behavior and speech. Children watch how their father behaves in terms of keeping time, watching mobile phones, passing time & so. That is why it is necessary for father to realize that his routine, discipline, keeping time, is imparting “Sanskar” to children. Bringing Discipline is always a double edge sword & this stage must be handled carefully. The best way of establishing discipline is to start from self.
6) Respect –
Parents should always respect children’s opinions on various topics, as well as children’s feelings and decisions. It creates a relationship of trust between the two and the relationship between father and son becomes stronger. At times, father may underestimate logical thinking as well as potential of child focusing on age. Also unfortunately, father may not recognize the skill of child, in the area which is unknown to him. In such scenarios, keeping patience & tracking the progress is the best way. What is important is maintain & show the respect towards thoughts / ideas rather than objecting it immediately. This simple behavioral pattern can keep the things in tact.
7) Communication –
A father should always talk openly and honestly with his child. Should keep communication in tact. Openness in behavior and speech is a major sign of a good relationship. It is always necessary to be impartial while communicating. Child may some time question father’s interest, action or even a decision. Should it has valid point, father must accept it / revoke it or amend it. It generates a good sense of clean relationship where child can make up his mind easily to keep talking with father. Adamant behavior of father in not at all recommended. Father’s role is like a motivational Guru.
Do click & read below article, in Hindi, as how to keep children away from internet.
8) Encouragement –
Even a little encouragement from father is very empowering to children. Father’s support contributes significantly to the development of self-confidence and self-esteem in children. At the same time, a good relationship is formed between the two and the child never forgets it throughout his life. That is why it is the father’s responsibility to encourage the child from time to time at a young age. Never ever forget to celebrate even smallest achievements of your child. Most important, never do comparison of your child.
9) Responsibility –
It is necessary to teach the child to accept responsibility for his decisions and actions. Only if one is prepared to accept responsibility, one can progress and help to deepen the personality. That is why it is necessary for the father to communicate with the son as he grows up. In it, guidance is expected from the father on how to handle stress, caution about using social media, the place of spirituality in life etc. The list is not exhaustive & has to managed on case to case basis. With growing age, sensitive topics like good touch & bad touch, sex education & like needs to be responsibly communicated.
10) Absolute love –
Father is expected to give unconditional love to their children. Of course, even though children may make mistakes or often fail to perform as expected in studies or other subjects, father is not expected to act in a way that shakes the child’s confidence. Child needs to be supported in his adverse situations and difficult situations. Pl keep this in mind. Situation may make father angry, but it should not last in a way that will impact the relationship forever.
Conclusion –
In short, there must be a strong relationship of trust between the two. It requires both of them to prioritize each other, do positive things together, discuss important topics together, pay attention to each other and understand the feelings behind each other’s words. This kind of behavior inculcates proper values and beliefs in the children and the relationship between the two also grows. I hope these points are a value add for you as a father. Also, you are highly welcome to express your views & opinions on this topic. Pl do comment on this in comments section. 🙂
13 responses to “Father’s role in the overall development of a child.”
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